Open Letter to my "family"

It's been a year since shit hit the fan with my family. I have stayed quiet and let them tell their side of the story to everyone, and blast me all of Facebook.

Today I break my silence..

Dear Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and anyone else who thinks they are involved,

It has been almost a year since we moved  & all of you disowned me. Today I'm ready to  tell you what I think about the whole situation, and give my side of the story to those of you who wouldn't give me a chance to explain things. Now let me be clear, this in no way is an apology, or a reach out to any of you. I have come to terms with the fact that we are no longer family, and I'm ok with that. I don't need you, nor do I want you in my life. I'm simply putting my side out there so people will stop thinking I'm some kind of horrible person who uses and abuses people to get what I want. I have changed names, but most of you will be able to figure out who you are due to the things that you said or did, and that's your guilt you have to live with, not mine.

When we moved to NC we were given a "hand up", not a "hand out", your words not mine. I was totally agreeable to that. I didn't want everything given to me, I simply wanted to A) be around family I hadn't seen in years B) get back on my feet after a horrible disaster that was my life in FL and C) introduce my children to my side of the family. There were stipulations, and a contract was signed by myself, my husband, and the Aunt & Uncle that were helping us the most. Everything that was in the contract my husband and I abided by. We both had jobs in the allotted time that was given, and we paid bills and rent. There where times, yes, that we were late on rent, but since "Nina" was our landlord, and my boss, I would always let her know if we were going to be late. She worked with us, and was somewhat pleasant about it. I know she had been burned before and I didn't want to be one more person to do that to her.

"Nina" always said she would help where she could, but whenever we would get behind she would tell me to get another job. Well that was never an option because, as you all know, I had three children at home. I would have had to get a sitter and all the extra money that was made would have gone to that sitter. She said she would watch the kids whenever she could, but she was always so busy. "Collette" was always too busy working to support her and her boyfriend, so she was never able to watch them either. The only person who ever watched my children for me was "Hunter", and she was dropped from the family too when "Ralph" decided he wanted to be with a drug addict instead of her.

The entire time we lived there I think we spent maybe 7 days together, and most of that was holidays. I invited everyone to everything we did, but no one ever came. My children's birthday's and my own were spent with friends we made while there. Which was fine with me, but one of the reasons we moved there was to get reacquainted. I was never asked if I wanted to go on little shopping dates with "Nina" & "Collette", or go have lunch or just hang out. All things that I was told would happen. I'm not upset about that, but Geez you would tell my kids you where going to come over, or take them somewhere & then you flaked. You can do that to me, I'll get over it, but I'll be damned if you are going to upset my children!

I was told on the regular by "Nina" what a horrible mother I had. She would call her names, like Fag Hag, or a Gold Digging Whore. I know my mother was not the best mother in the world, but she was my mom, and screw all of you who think she failed in that department. She was the best person in the world, and none of you can deny that. She would have given you the shirt right off her back, and if I remember correctly did just that for a few of you. She was always there to help get you out of sticky situations. I may have been young when she died, but I wasn't stupid, and I have learned several things about her over the years, that being one of them. My mom was a strong independent person, and the fact that she chose to raise my sister and I alone is commendable. I hope that I am half the mom she was. I miss her everyday and think about her every minute, do you guys even remember what she looks like without looking at a picture? I'm sure you don't since the moment she was in the ground all you had to say about her were nasty, filthy things. I would NEVER speak ill of anyone who had passed, even if they weren't the best person. You, "Nina" should be ashamed of yourself, she was your sister for Christ's sake!! I bet "Nina" never told any of you that she said those things did she? Of course I'm sure she will deny it now anyway, but I know, as do several other people, because when she said them to me I got very upset, and those people where there for me.

We had gotten behind again, and "Nina" and I talked about things I told her I could have all the money owed to her by February 6th. She agreed to that and Ross & I saved every paycheck we got. There were nights he & I didn't eat because we didn't have the money for enough food for all of us. We made sure the kids had breakfast, lunch & dinner. Then she came to me and asked me to sign my van over to her, you know just in case. Really? Did she not have the faith in us that we could get caught up? WOW thank you for that, it really means a bunch! So I signed it over, that way when we paid like I said we would, she could eat her words! Not that she would, because in her eyes, she is never wrong!

Then The Husband and I found out about his mother being sick, and we both started thinking about what we were going to do. We wanted our children to be with their grandmother for however long she may have, but we also didn't want to flake out on the responsibilities we had there. I went to "Nina" and told her what we had just found out, and you know what she said to me? " We are all going to die, whats the big deal?" Seriously, who says that? A cold heartless bitch, that's who! She said if she got sick she wouldn't want her kids around to see her like that. ("Collette", "Scott" be aware that if she gets sick, she doesn't want you to stop living your life or come around) My mother in law didn't want us to stop living our lives either, but we decided we wanted to spend all the time we could with her. If that meant moving back home, then so be it.

So the Monday after we talked to my mother in law, The Husband put in several applications here in IN. He got a call on Wednesday of that week for an interview that Friday. He was going to go alone, see how it went and then we were going to make a final decision when he got back, but it didn't work out that way. That same night we got a call from The Husband's brother that their mom was  in the hospital. He wanted to have a family meeting about how we were all going to help out. He asked if we could all come home, so I called "Nina" and told her I was going to be out for Thursday & Friday and why I would be out. She couldn't understand why we all needed to go. Well you see, my mother in law can't get sick, if she does it will turn into something major every time. She can't take medicine because her body can't break it down, therefore, getting sick could be major bad news!

We drove back to IN, and on the way I received a call from my friend who was taking care of our dogs. She said "Nina" told her she would do it. I said fine, as long as they are being taken care of. The Husband got the job, and we made our final decision to move back. We talked it over with my sister, and the in laws, and thought it best to leave the kids and just come back there, pack our stuff & leave. So that's what we did!

On the way back, we got several calls and text messages from people asking what was going on, that "Nina" & " Collette" were talking shit. So I called "Nina" to talk about what she heard & what she was telling people. She told me she didn't have time for lies, blah blah blah, and then hung up on me. OK.. Not sure what lies she thinks I told, but whatever. Yes, I failed to mention The Husband had a job interview, but I wasn't going to say anything until we knew whether or not he had the job. My purpose in going was to see my mother in law, which is exactly what I did.

We got to the house and we started packing our stuff. When we woke up we had a rental truck ready for us, and we went to pick it up. Apparently, "Nina" was at our house first thing in the morning and when we weren't there she called me & started threatening to call the police if I didn't return "her" van. It was only "her" van because she made me sign it over. I told her we would drop it off at the office with the keys in it. Which is exactly what we did. Of course then "Collette" starts blowing my cell phone up with text messages about how horrible I am, and that her mother paid all our bills blah blah blah. That because her mother was paying our bills, she couldn't get new glasses or contacts. Well I got news for you honey, your mom didn't pay any of our bills. If she had then our shit wouldn't have been on the disconnect lists or late, and The Husband & I wouldn't have had to skip meals just so the kids could eat. Besides, you are a grown ass woman, pay for your own shit. Or maybe make your lazy ass boyfriend get a job, instead of sitting on his ass all day smoking weed! Of course "Collette" told me my mother would be so disappointed in me for acting like that. Ummmm EXCUSE ME???? No she wouldn't, my mom would have been proud that I stood up for her, even in death, and that I didn't let anyone push me around! How the hell would she know if my mom would be disappointed in me anyway, she was 7 when she died.

When we get the truck back to the house we notice, all my belongs from the office had been dropped off, and that "Nina" had taken things that she had given us. Ok what are we in elementary school, and now we are Indian Givers? Whatever, that's neither here nor there, but it makes me wonder, did she go through my house & my things? What else did she take?

We get all of our stuff packed, or at least what we could get in the truck. This meant lots of things where left behind, including several bags of trash. Since she took the only other mode of transportation, I left those things for her to deal with. The trash, the furniture, and anything else. I did clean up as I went, so the house wasn't dirty. I'm sure she said otherwise, but again, no one took time to listen to me, so whatever. I did leave a note telling her we appreciated everything she did for us, and that I hated it had to go down like this. It also let her know I didn't take anything that was hers, such as movies she had loaned us. We locked the door and drove off into the night.

We get back to IN and my sister comes to the house to tell me that "Collette" had blasted the note all over Facebook, and has tagged our entire family in it. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!? How old are you "Collette", cause you act like you are still in high school. Get your shit together and grow up! My sister tells me that she, my niece, and my brother in law all asked to be untagged that they didn't want any part in it. Of course there are cousins making comments about what a bitch I am, and uncles saying I told you so. Told them so what? You had nothing to do with me the moment my mom died, so anything you could have "told" them would have been hearsay because I haven't talked to you in almost 20 years. And when I say talk, I mean carry on a conversation, not just a few words here and there in passing! People that were supposed to be my friends, deleted me & said they would pray for me. I don't need prayers, I don't need God, I don't need anything from anyone. I have my kids, my loving husband, my in laws, my sister, brother in law, niece and a shit ton of friends. Random strangers are saying horrible things about me, all because she put a note that I wrote on there and blew it all out of context, just to make me look bad. I check my email, and you will never believe it, they have hacked my personal account, and deleted everything. Emails between my attorney, emails from friends, contacts, the whole thing. Who would do that?

Like I said it's been a year since all this happened. We are way better off now. The Husband is a Certified Cable Technician and makes damn good money. Enough money that I don't have to work if I don't want to! We are in the house buying process, and are putting an offer in on a house tomorrow. My children are so much happier to have their "real" family around. I was able to see my niece, get married, and was one of the first people she called when she found out she was pregnant. So yeah, I am doing great,  and we are all happy as can be. We did it all by ourselves, with no help from any of you, or any one else for that matter. If anything you guys taught us to never, ever rely on anyone, especially family, for anything. Family will screw you over just as quick as a friend would. So thanks for helping us realize that!

Sincerely
Scandell