So my (older) sister tells me she has an extra ticket to see The Chippendales Strippers this past Friday night, and asks if I want to go. My niece and some friends from their work are going with them & it will surely be a fun time. Seeing as I have never been to a "male review" I thought "Why the hell not?"
We get there and of course there is a line a mile long. As we wait outside in the 20 degree weather, the bouncer comes out and asks if anyone has VIP tickets. Wait there are VIP tickets?? Why are we just now hearing about this? Where do we get one? Ahhh screw it we will just follow the girls saying they have one, like the bouncer is going to know we aren't with them. Yeah apparently they do know, we were denied!!
We finally get in and they are only letting the VIP people down to the stage. So now we are all huddled together like cattle waiting to see some Magic Mike shit. I 'm checking out the girls that are waiting for the same thing and notice that I am either A) Too old and not dressed slutty enough or B) I'm too young and don't have enough grandchildren to brag about.
My sister decides she wants a drink, so we go to the bar to order. Of course everyone waiting wants a drink too so guess what, we wait in line ..again. While waiting I'm people watching and notice that most of the girls/women are ordering fruity girly drinks. Don't these bitches know the best way to get drunk at the bar without taking out a loan is to drink beer? I can get shitfaced for less than $20 at the bar by drinking beer. Yes some people don't like beer, but after 3 or 4 drinks everything tastes the same so whats the difference? I order my beer, Bud Light, ($3.50) and my sister gets some $7 fruity drink. Yeah I had 2 drinks to her 1! Stupid girl!!
We finally get to go to the stage after all the VIPs get their special treatment, and its standing room only. There are a shit ton of women and with flu season in full swing, I tried not to get too close to anyone. Apparently no one else got the flu memo & I had girls trying to get in my clothes with me. I stood with my arms on my hips most of the time to keep them a way from me. It worked for the most part.
Ok here comes the MC/DJ/Dancer, Constantine .. He has nice body, but as soon as he gets in the light I can see he has a "Butta-Face" Everything is nice, but his face! Then he starts introducing all the other Chippendales. You have Magnum, the man who has been in Playgirl & Easy Rider. He is ok, again nice body, but he really wasn't my type. The Cowboy, the oldest Chippendale; I'm pretty sure he has been doing this for a while. His skin was saggy and leathery looking, and he was considered the veteran. Then there is Tarzan. He kinda looked like a shorter, brunette version of Fabio. Last but not least, The Baby. And oh was he a baby, only 24 years old! Abercrombie & Fitch model with a super cute baby face. All the women screamed for him. He must have mommy issues if he actually enjoys grinding on women old enough to be his mom, shit old enough to be his grandmother! Gross if you ask me!!
They do some choreographed dance number together, then go their separate ways for the individual dances. Each guy picks a girl (VIP) and does a little number with them, & then all the women have their chance for a lap dance with that guy. At $10 a pop, you would think they would pay a little attention to the woman. Ummm no, not the case. He would grind on you for about 10 seconds, and then help you off stage. This went on for about 20 mins each guy. Until The Baby got up there. Almost all the women are up there for this kid ready to get their grind on. Well since there was soo many of them & he didn't have a long time, he had to start giving 2 lap dances at once. Oh hell no, I paid my money, you better make me wish I was single & the only girl up there. Finally Constantine comes back & asks if we have seen Dirty Dancing, while the song "I've had the Time of my Life" is playing. I start busting out laughing, like hysterical laughing. Everyone around me starts looking at me, including my sister & niece. So of course I have to explain myself. Has anyone ever seen the SNL episode with Patrick Swayze & Chris Farley? The one where they are both trying out for Chippendales? Yeah well when he asked if we had seen the movie & that song started playing, that's the first thing that came to mind. And since its one of my favorite skits, I started laughing. My sister & niece thought it was funny, no one else did.. Lame-Os!!
We are all officially over the crowdedness and tired, not to mention I have to be at work at 9 am the next morning, so we leave before its even over. As we are walking out a few of the women look at us like we don't know what we are about to miss.. Actually .. yeah I do.. I'm missing my jammies, warm bed, and a hubby who would give me a lap dance any day, for FREE. My favorite word!!
I went to one with mom and a few of her friends several years ago. We bought raffle tickets and wouldn't you know my number was called. I think only I was supposed to go but mom and a few of her friends came up to and we got to rub oil on one of the guys. Uh that was a little different and I almost felt like I was cheating....almost. Having 20,000 people watching and being up there with mom kinda ruined it all, lol....
ReplyDeleteI read a story once about how when men go see female strippers, the vibe is uber creepy; the men are all giving the girls rapey eyes and waggling their money like it was their dicks. But when women go see men strip, the vibe is like a party. Women scream and laugh and completely let themselves go wild. Kinda of your topic, but I thought it was interesting.
ReplyDeleteTara, I was with Kisha, Sam, & Toni.. So it was fun, I think we laughed most of the time, manly because women were acting like horny crazed maniacs.
ReplyDeleteJesse, I definitely noticed some women's modesty stay at the door, lots of boob flashing & groping going on!
me and my friends went and seen them the 20 th and you are right they all have buttafaces and should have spent more time with each girl the also should of been on time. Two hours late really. Then they said they would sign our tickets and take pics well let me tell you they did some pics but no signing we should of got our money back
ReplyDeleteI live in a small town so we got better treatment I guess. less women to focus on. When I went it was about the same as what you said but unlike the woman who got to oil them up on stage the ones who got the raffle prize got to go do that in the dressing room. And we got more time with our lap dances. with only a total of about ten maybe per dancer again. its more for each because there were less total. but I still felt they should have paid more attention to each person. I just hope that some of the fifty + crowd doesnt come next year. cause honestly its creepy watching women that old grind on the men. The men are doing their jobs. the women are just getting their jollies off.
ReplyDeleteamazing read. enjoyed it. always thought i was the only one thinking this. So glad a guy actually wrote this (if a girl, like me wrote this, people would argue I'm jealous or something.)I just don't see a reason for every song by a girl group to be performed in a provocative way. buff butlers brighton
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